Blue Jeans, Bandages, and Righteous Spite
by Helix Spencer
Summary: Tony and Pepper plot sweet revenge on Senator Stern. Rated T for minor language. One-shot only. Spoilers, kind of. Enjoy!


**A/N: Ever since I watched Iron Man 2 for the first time, the possibility of this occurring has nagged at me. Perhaps I'm not the only one who considered this particular outcome, but here it is!**

 **I listened to "Blame It On The Rain," by Milli Vanilli while writing this. It fitted the mood really well, I think. Enjoy! (:**

 **XOXO, Helix.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Iron Man, or Party City.**

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"I swear, Pepper, I'm gonna sue him!"

"You can't sue him, Tony."

"Wanna bet?" Tony snarled. He sat down hard on the couch. "He gave me _tetanus."_

Pepper sighed, and perched herself on the edge of the wooden coffee table across from him. "Shirt off, please."

Without comment, he complied, and Pepper bit down on her lip. He _was_ truly furious.

His quiet ire, she supposed, was entirely justified. Exactly one week to the day that they returned from Washington D.C., Tony had become quite sick. Fever, bad headaches, a suspiciously stiff jaw, and blood pressure problems that had sent them panicking, spurred them to get him checked out. He'd been loathe to go to the hospital. She had insisted.

Not that they wouldn't've gone anyway, but...she was really glad that they had.

Just to the left of his shiny new arc reactor, an angry pink splotch had developed with a vengeance. According to their doctor, Tony had gotten a pretty serious case of tetanus. The cause, blurry in origin, left Pepper scratching her head, and Tony...well, scratching his bandages.

Until Tony remembered.

That had been two hours ago.

He wasn't so loud, now, but Pepper's ears were still ringing with the viciousness and creativity with which he had cursed Senator Stern's name.

It _did_ make sense-and she did recall Tony rubbing his chest all the way back to Santa Monica. She felt horrible, now, because she had thought he'd just been exaggerating when he'd told her that the Senator had pricked him purposely. Pepper frowned inwardly, and busied herself with peeling off his old bandage.

"How does it look?" Tony muttered. "I'm not at the greatest angle, so..."

There was a yellowing, fingerprint-sized bruise from where the pin had punctured his skin with unnecessary pressure. Blooming outward from that, the tan skin was marred by a streaky redness. It was still warm to the touch, but not worryingly so.

"It looks okay," Pepper decided. Then, she hesitated. "Do you think it'll affect your arc?"

"It _shouldn't._ I'll have Jarvis watch it, though."

Appeased, she unwrapped a new bandage and smoothed it onto his chest. It looked a bit bizarre, next to the arc reactor. Bizarre, but not entirely out of place.

"There. Well, you were due for another T-dap vaccine, anyway. I'm actually surprised you haven't gotten tetanus before now, from cutting yourself on that suit of yours."

"Impossible," Tony declared quietly. He fisted his grey t-shirt in his strong hands, and Pepper studiously tried to focus.

"Of course, Mr. Stark. Forgive me."

"Don't be...wry," Tony accused, but it held no heat.

"I'm not," Pepper confessed. "I'm really sorry that I didn't believe you. I feel badly about it."

"Don't," Tony scoffed. "I'll get a nice fat settlement from Stern once everything is sorted out. We can split it."

Pepper laughed. "What, you mean when _I_ sort everything out? You're not suing him, and that's final. You only _just_ got him off your back, Tony."

"Apparently not!" He gestured to his chest, and slumped back into the couch, watching her: he was all blue jeans, bandages, and righteous spite.

She watched him back, waiting.

He narrowed his eyes. "What?"

Pepper smirked. "I said. _.._ that the only thing you can't do, is sue him."

Tony straightened. "What are you saying, Potts?"

"The hospital bill _was_ pretty expensive..." She prompted meaningfully.

"That it was," Tony murmured. An inspired fire burned in his eyes. "An obscene amount of money."

"Surely not even twenty-one billion dollars could take care of it."

"Of course not."

"You got a plan, Boss?" Pepper asked.

"Now I do," Tony confirmed. "Jarvis?"

 _"Sir?"_

"Have you already paid that hospital bill?"

 _"I have not, Sir. You don't wish to simply ignore it, do you? I'm not sure that's advisable."_

"Can't have the powers-that-be coming after us," Tony agreed amiably. "I- _we_ -have a better idea, actually."

 _"Your wish is my command."_

"Divert it," he commanded. He met her eyes. And Pepper beamed at him.

 _"To whom do you wish to send it to, Sir?"_

"I have a particular ass-clown in mind, actually. The driver of the clown-car himself!"

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 **A/N: If I've inspired you to do so, please review! (: REMINDER: I will never haggle you for reviews.**


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